In the world of intimate relationships, it’s human nature to want to change your partner. The truth is, you can’t change your partner any more than they can change you. You can influence each other, but the more you believe your partner should be different, the less likely you’ll take ownership of your own “contribution.”
It’s easy to be gracious when the view is majestic and the sun is shining. But when it’s bone cold, you’re hungry and tired, and your partner is whining about how you got them into this mess – compassion and character get put to the test.
That’s when building a case against our partner feels so natural. It protects us from the irritating realization that the best way to change negative dynamics is to focus on our own responses and behaviors.
Try to see those moments of discord as an opportunity to learn about yourself. How you handle annoyances is a window into your growth edges. By inviting open awareness, you can notice the part you play. While it may not be as ego-gratifying as the blame game, it’s a winning way to create loving change in your relationship.