~Peter Hoeg

“The human individual, given the chance, tends to develop his particular human potentialities. He will develop the unique alive forces of his real self: the clarity and depth of his own feelings, thoughts, wishes, interests; the ability to tap his own resources; the strength of his willpower; the special capacities or gifts he may have; the faculty to express himself, and to relate himself to others with his spontaneous feelings.”  – Karen Horney

Jung suggested that the way an archetype matures, functions and blends with other archetypes is affected by our personality (genetics) and our experience (environment). He also stated that because our inner archetypes are designed to do different things and pursue different goals (old brain/new brain) they can be in conflict with each other.

For Jung it is the way that our parts or archetypal processes mature, develop and become integrated, are thwarted, or are in conflict within the self, that is the source of our problems.

Stop that thought. The minute you hear yourself saying anything limiting about who you are or what you can and cannot do, stop and ask yourself where this idea is coming from. Through self-examination and honesty, you’ll discover why you believe what you do.  Then you can move past the insensitive comment or plain-old poor self-image and work on being who you want to be.

Redesign your type. No this isn’t a vote for plastic surgery or impossible belief that you can just change your genetics. This is having fun by thinking outside of the box of expectation. Ask yourself what trademark characteristics would best describe the ideal you. For example, imagine swapping in the non-horn-tooting-type for a proud and confident one.

Play the part. With your new self-image as your goal, it’s time to act, speak, and carry yourself as that type.  This may feel slightly awkward or uncomfortable at first, but have patience. Start small and play it to the hilt. If you believe in it and act accordingly, you will become it.

In a previous entry (“Our Many Selves”), the many parts that exist within each of us was introduced. In addition to this collection of parts, at the core of everyone is a Self which is the seat of consciousness. From birth this Self has all the necessary qualities of compassion, perspective, curiosity, acceptance and confidence to lead through life.

However, a person’s parts are organized to protect the Self at all costs and will remove it from leadership if it senses danger or trauma. The sole job of parts are to protect the Self from pain. Over time parts will blend their extreme feelings or thoughts with the Self. 

The Self comes ready to lead and does not have to be learned or borrowed or strengthened. It is also not merely a passive observer or witness state. It is an active, caring and collaborative leader. When the Self is separated from the parts and regains their trust, harmony, balanc, and leadership are restored.  Additionally, those hard-working parts finally get a much needed rest.

Self-Leadership
When the Self is unconstrained, it will lead by caring for parts in a compassionate way.  It will lead discussions with the parts regarding major decisions in the person’s life. 

When Self-leadership is restored the parts do not disappear (except for the extreme roles).  Instead they remain to advise, work on solutions to problems and lend talents or emotions. Each has a different valuable role and set of abilities. Generally they cooperate and when conflict arises the Self mediates.

Sometimes, parts will temporarily take over and we let them. In many situations, particular parts have abilities that make them the best leaders. At other times it is fun or thrilling to let some parts take over. The point is that when Self-leadership is restored parts can still take over, but not for the same protective reasons. More importantly, this occurs with the Self’s approval.

Keep this photo in view and take a moment every day to access your postive feelings about it. Before you know it, you’ll naturally start to soften that inner voice. When you catch yourself speaking harshly to yourself, conjure up that childhood image.  Rephrase the harsh thought as you would speaking to that precious child. Notice how it softens your heart.

Our character is like a set of clothes that we put on to protect us from the elements, to hide what is underneath, to give a certain impression to the world. And like the clothes we choose to wear in our lives, the attributes of character reflect something of the qualities of our essence. Granted, a sometimes one-dimensional expression of the fullness that is underneath.

Attachment experiences are part of what shapes our character. There are also influences from genetic makeup and biology, wider aspects of family and social life, and so on. Of course, each person is unique and will manifest this in his or her individual way.

As we move towards more Beingness we can more and more let go of the defensive aspects of character. False and deceptive manifestations dissolve when we face them and make new decisions about ourselves and the world. This requires mindfulness and maturity. Life experience gives us the opportunities to develop this maturity. Yet we need to bring our will to it.

The learnings and skills developed as parts of our character styles that are true to our essence can be absorbed into the greater ground of our Beingness, and continue to serve us and others. As a person living a human life we need our personality and its patterns to get along in the physical and social worlds we are part of. Nevertheless as we grow, we can let go of many unnecessary, limiting layers and also continue to transform and shape those human ‘characterlogical clothes’, to make them ever more compatible with our spiritual nature.

Multiplicity
It is the nature of the human mind to be subdivided into parts. We all have them.  We are born with them.  Carl Jung referred to them as archetypes.  Others refer to them as subpersonalities, aspects, thoughts or feelings.  These can have specific ages, temperaments, talents, strengths and desires.

Parts exist from birth, either in potential or in actuality. All parts are valuable and want to play constructive inner roles.  They came into being honestly (often as a response to the environment) and will gratefully return to preferred roles once they are reassured that it is safe to do so. 

Polarization
Many past or current events can affect the balance and harmony of a person’s internal world. The most common of these influences include family attitudes and interactions, as well as traumatic experiences. Parts develop and take over to protect the Self by taking on burdens. When this happens the internal system gets out of whack and parts become polarized.

Thankfully even highly polarized systems can heal themselves in a safe, caring environment.  One such place is in therapy where a compassionate therapist can help point the person back to their true Self.

The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are unattached to the actions of others, you free yourself  from suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment.  It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, do your best and compassionately know this to be true.